Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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