So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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