you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
