First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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