i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
