he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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