Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
