i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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