And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
