It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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