things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
