kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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