You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You were trust falling into bushes
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
