Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
