Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
