Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
