So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
