Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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