I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
