you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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