He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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