I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
