She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
