I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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