i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
