There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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