Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
