thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
