doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
