then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
