it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
