Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
