It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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