I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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