East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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