i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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