marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
