My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
