I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
