Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
