He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
