Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Randomize
