K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
