and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
