so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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