I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
