If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We are all done wearing pants today
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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