Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
