sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
