Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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